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Former-Member
Not applicable

Depression Dementia Dad

Is Dementia Mental Illness? It's a disease of the mind so i'm hoping i still belong here. If not for that - today at the DR he was asked if he gets depression - dad answered "yes I do get depressed" It's hard to read with dad's early vascular dementia.

Around Christmas i moved in with my parents as mum was unable to manage hersef let alone continue as dad's carer. She was end stage cancer and died in hospital palliative care only 19 days after i arrived Smiley Sad I was shocked how sick she became in the 2months since my last three week trip.. My goodness - what a fighter she was. My two younger brothers were dropping in a couple of times a day & helped with transport, bills & shopping - but could not stay in the house.longer than 30min - becoming restless... (probably the MI-Sz / drug related) and they were wearing thin. getting angry.. Mum was so difficult / hurtful during my last stay to help, i was reluctant to come again unless she asked me to. It was hard for her but necessary. The first attempt to drive the 1200km i ran off the road & badly crashed my car - a 'Write Off' Sore bones & shellshot - I had to rest a few days before flew down.

I hit the floor running - household duties, neals & loads of patient reassurance for mum. Even giving her a bell. Wasnt easy looking them both, clearly dad had been neglected for sone time.

I was still in the bad books for reporting him as a medically 'unfit' driver during my last stay. They fought it and gad x2 doctors confer ( why not done before is beyond me).

So here i am, feeling alone with 'toxic family' threatened by my presence, the loss of my mum, a dad in grief, with early vascular dementia, diabetes, heart disease, spinal injury - poor mobility, bad incontinence. Its full on some days. Not just the cleaning up but all the medical appointments. Especially since mum had understandablly got behind on things like optometrist, pidiatrist... even the GP...

Just looking for support as feeling somewhat shattered after only x5 weeks. Big day today.

lapses

849 REPLIES 849

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member, that is a lot... you definitely belong here...

How are you feeling today? It seems like you have a long road ahead. 

Trust you are able to find the strength to get through each day. 

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

sending you lotsof tender hugs @Former-Member HeartHeart

There are a few different kinds of Dementia

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hey @Former-Member, it sounds like the past few months have been very difficult for you. Firstly, I'm sorry to hear of your mum's passing only 19 days after you arrived at your parents' house. It must of been very difficult to watch her health deteroriate in such a short amount of time. Having been in a car accident prior to going to help your parents must have also been a shock and I'm sure taken a toll on you - physically and mentally. It sounds like you helped your parents in so many ways despite this - that takes a lot of strength.

I can understand why some days would be full on. Do you find any time to check in and take care of yourself amidst all that you do for the others around you?

Sending support your way...

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hey @Former-Member

With your TLC Dad is already cleaner and having his health attended to, must be feeling a lot more comfortable. The family will have probably already noticed the cleaner house and are no doubt grateful that they are not the ones doing the job but whether or not they will be gracious enough to show appreciation to you is another matter.

Sending gentle thoughts your way.
D
Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Depression Dementia Dad


Hope so Darcy, Asked dad what he misses most with mum, he said "her voice" His pain is deep ❤

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member
Dear girl you are doing so well to be holding your self together. Grief ànd loss over a parent is something I don't believe we really are ready for. Especially if the surviving parent has a disease process like dementia. Dementia is actually a neurological illness not a mental illness, but both have long term impact on life relationships and abilities. The stress that dementia places on a family is incredible. From far to many years experience, may I suggest that you enlist help and support right now for your Dadwhile he still has the ability to form new . memories it is much better than trying to lay down names and faces of carers and routines when you forget what you did 20 minutes ago. In the long run your dad may not remember the names of those caring for him but thief face will be "familiar and reduce the anxiety he feels . He will find it hard without your mum and depending on the stage of his dementia may relive his loss over and over. Depending how he handles his grief you maybe better off with a little white lie and say your mum had gone on a trip so he doesn't grieve all the time but thinks she is having fun and he could be more positive about her return. Photo albums are an incredible way to stay connected with your dad. You will be able to work out where he is as far as age by his reaction to the photos and who he easily recognised. Dementia of any sort is a horrible disease. And the family will have lots of slow grieving to do so be kind to yourself and each other and know that there are alot of supports and professionals there to support you. Take care. 💖
Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Wow, @Lesley, love what u wrote. Thank you. You have my mum's name

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member
Quick wave, thinking of you.
Darcy
Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

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