Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Former-Member]

@Owlunar (above)

[Owlunar]

I hear you @Former-Member

This is not a good scene at all - I have sent you are recent post - I forget what thread - hold on and I will see if it's recent enough and post it here

Got it - here it is

I understand what you are talking about - I didn't feel that the money I inherited was my money - time has passed and I have found a way of enjoying it by travelling - taking in Australia one city at a time - and doing it the easy way with comfortable flights and good hotels - and short trips too - my cat is not at all happy about my going away and so I take short trips for now

 Still I would have traded this for better relationships with my family but that didn't happen and now can't or won't and with therapy I have got over the need to spend money to have someone listen to me about it - I enjoy my trips and self-care of course - 

But I really hear you and I think like @utopia that it's not a good idea to go back to your parents' house - I never liked my parents' house - I felt itchy there - I was a teenager and young adult there - totally frustrated with the excessive control we all had over is and it was excessive and this does not build love or trust and here you are

No one can tell you what to do but we can suggest - if you feel as if you would be trapped in a terrible world of loneliness there then don't - and it is really easy for me to say but then - yes

I did tell my mother I had enough of her mouth and I was not coming back and walked out on her when she was in aged-care and never went back there. I woke up every morning and asked myself if I would visit her and thought about it all day and was glad at night that I hadn't gone there and woke up the next morning with the same argument in my head but I am glad now I never did - I saw her in hospital before she died and I had no regret - I saw a woman with mountains of regret but that was not my problem - and yes - I think she had a form of dementia and it is very sad to think of it from her side but my point is this

I know you were doing what you were doing for your Dad from love and if that was all it might have been good but you had your sibs under-mining you, attacking you - trying to steal your magic which is impossible - they can make you feel as if you are in a nightmare but they can never have the love that you do - 

But it is taking so much from you - and I can see it - you are alone and you don't know what to do with the money you have

You need to care for yourself - you have had so much in the change of circumstances of your life recently - inside the past year - and it takes time to sort yourself out and find yourself out. It takes energy you seem not to have right now

I have walked often along the beach on chilly summer evenings and found myself alone and learned to be alone - this is pretty hard stuff - I know - it was a long time ago when I had first sold the family home and moved to a unit on my own. It was a hard time but come March I went back to University and started my Minor Thesis.

It was a whole new life - and here you are - it's a whole new life

You are you here? That is the question. And a hard one to answer

Your money though - it's not the answer to your problems but it is something to make your life easier - keep it safe - it is for you and you in your new life

I hear you - I know - I get it

Dec

I have to get ready to go out now Lapses but I will be back later

Dec

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Former-Member a set of acrylic paints and a sketch book would be great.  

If you want another option, you can find an old large-ish book in an op-shop that has seen better days and is likely to end up being thrown out.  If you tear out every third page, it will thin the book down a bit so it doesn’t end up too bulky by the time it is filled with art journal pages.  Next you glue two pages together to make them thicker, and let them dry, or dry them with a hairdryer.  Then you water down the white acrylic paint a little, or any other colour you want to use, and paint lightly over the page.  By the time you have finished working on the page a light dusting of faint text will be showing through, and that adds more interest.

I will copy and paste this answer into the Art Class thread, and I will do a page along with you.  I will glue a magazine page into my art journal so you can see what it looks like, and we can work together.

[Former-Member]

Thank you @Owlunar, @Faith-and-Hope. Went shopping today, first time in a week, bought x6 little paint bottles & brushes, gotta get the book now.

Did buy a sewing machine too 🙂 let's see if I can figure out how to use this one 🙂

@OwlunarDec, youre such an encouragrment, caring posts andcthe way you keep pushing on thtough your own bartiets. Ill never forget you.

There's much decisions to make here. Did you know a simple granny flat in Sydney is 390wk 😞  yikes? Not an option. Might just have to sleep in my car when done squatting here.

Do you think Public Guardian will hit me up for rent on dad's behalf? Previous arrangements were that I could stay rent free if I did everythingeverything (dad owns home / no mortgage), but he's not here now. Phone bill came today. I don't need a landline.

Should I just say - 'I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE!" look after him at home, then the decision is made, dad stays there against his will.

Or, I  could just ignore public guardian slackos and bring him home. trouble is he wont wanna go to Respite ever again. 

Must ring carers helpline one day

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member

Was a formal arrangement with public guardian made for Dad to stay at the factory until further notice? If not  would they  assume he would have been brought home upon your return if that is what was said at tribunal hearing?

Would Dad's GP vouch for your standard of care and improvement in Dad's medical care since you started caring for him. Can you take photos of Dad's skin to show them?

[Former-Member]

Yes & yes @Former-Member, Tribunal noted I was to bring him home 11/09, when I tried to bring him home for overnight trial the Aged Care facility rang Public Guardian who rang me first thing MonAM to inform me this was their decision. This was the 'duty guardian' as they have not appointedvone yet, the interim one is on leave, such a joke and I have been too tired to fight them. But I have a plan now. Dad wanted to come home with me tonight. I think he's lonely. I'll talk to his Dr.

[Former-Member]

he didn't have his hat on
his collar shirts are ALL missing
slovenly dressed

Took him some beef & blackbean Chinese, he loved it.

Still wans to come home.

Putting his car in for Rego check today. Got that horrible gut feeling I'm gonna get into trouble for doing anything for dad now.

Optometrist saw him yesterday, suppose they'll try flog him more glasses too, he only got some a month ago.

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Former-Member ..... it might be worth noting things like his recent glasses purchase in an exercise book, so if this optometrist finds something wrong with his prescription, you can take that up with them.  Sometimes people listen better when there is scientific evidence in the form of a date, appointment invoice / advice, and receipt ......

[Former-Member]

yep, I only have receipts, not glasses prescriptions.

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

My battles - yes - I can look back and remember the days when I felt overwhelmed with the issues I was facing - one thing about living alone is learning a totally new way of living and yes - I know about the cost of public rental - and I am sure it does cost more in Sydney - I don't know about your current income but is it possible for you to get rent relief - I had that for a long time and it made a huge difference to the rent - it was affordable 

About your Dad - is sounds like a bureaucratic bungle - I agree with @Faith-and-Hope - you need to keep everything to do with your Dad in an exercise book with receipts taped in - and make sure your cash is separate - 

And his shirts are missing - they are supposed to sew names into his clothes or make sure that you have done so - that is sloppy on their behalf - and yes - getting him some food he likes from time to time is great - perish the thought of living on food cooked in any kind of huge amounts - everything tastes the same and it is a relief to have something better

Have you looked into My Aged Care to see if they can help keep your Dad at home if it is possible? - my Dad wanted to go home and that was totally out of the question after my mother couldn't manage him anymore - he always wanted to go home and he had loss of vision and short term memory and he could not have been left alone - seems like your Dad is at that point for different reasons so it does put a huge amount on your shoulders

If you were to wash your face and take a deep drink of water and walk around outside how would you feel about making the decision to not care for your Dad - you would need somewhere to live yourself and for your Dad going into residential care permanently could mean his house would be sold to support part of his support - and he is entitled to care on his Gold Card or DVD Card I believe - my father was - I really don't know all the details because my sister was the one my parents chose for their POAs etc and she wouldn't tolerate any interference so I had to leave her with that - but it is not an easy situation when parents want to come home and that is no longer possible

And there is absolutely no need to feel guilty about this - you can't please any of your sibs so you really need to care for yourself and really think what you can do - 

Having so many life-changes land on you like this has been a huge culture shock and no wonder you feel so over-whelmed and this I do know. Making decisions when there are so many things to deal with - yeah - it is a shock to realise how much things cost. 

So I have dug up a few ideas from my own experience and I know sorting out this muddle is a puzzle so try one thing at a time - it seems to me that caring for your Dad is the hard one - what do you do about that? No one can tell you but we can suggest things and it seems really hard mostly because of those brothers - 

Still here Lapses - I care a lot and I am glad in many ways my sister had to deal with my parents' stuff at the time - btw she wanted to and also - my parents had sorted their affairs out before they had reached a stage where they could not - it's a pity that people don't - I have sorted out my affairs already though things might change

But yeah - whatever My Aged Care is - it is there - maybe they can help with your Dad

Thinking of you Lapses

Dec