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17-03-2022 06:35 PM
17-03-2022 06:35 PM
Heartbreak from being Estranged from Son
So I have found this forum today, hope I can find some support from other mums that might understand or have gone through the same thing. You cannot really talk to friends alot about this as they dont know what to say. Saw a psychologist recently and all she could say was its unfair and sad ..... yes I know that, I need coping strategies. I think talking to other Mums will help, just to know I am not the only one to go through something like this. My son is 36, I have not seen him for over 5 years now. He lives only 20 mins away. He has schizophrenia and has decided he does not want a relationship with me. I did not ever believe it would go on for this long. It is devastating to say the very least. Most times I cope ok, but there can be triggers and then I feel like I am walking around with a hole in my chest.
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17-03-2022 07:02 PM
17-03-2022 07:02 PM
Re: Hi, new to the group
Hi @JennyM ,
I am so glad you have found us here. I know there are other parents here who have been through very similar circumstances.
Your feelings, fears and triggers are so real and so valid.
If you don't mind, I'd like to share my side of the story (from a child's point of view). I was estranged from my parents for nearly 10 years. I didn't see them, involve them in my life, speak to them or contact them. I had so much going on for me that I couldn't bear to connect with them. I had no ill feelings towards them. I actually cared for them so much that I didn't want to talk to them. I left home in my late teens (lived 5 mins away from my parents), then moved interstate without telling them. My mental health was a mess. As much as I knew my parents wanted to involved themselves, I needed space to sort myself out. I needed time away from them so that I could 'grow up' and be empowered to make choices about my mental health without interference. And yes, I didn't always make the right choices, but I've learnt from those.
What I'm trying to say @JennyM , is that as much as it hurts, perhaps your son needs time away to be able to 'grow up'? What do you think?
Leave the doors of communication open. That's the best thing you can do. And wait.
In the meantime, your mental health is of utmost priority. I encourage you to continue reaching out.
Kindest, tyme
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17-03-2022 07:07 PM
17-03-2022 07:07 PM
Re: Hi, new to the group
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17-03-2022 07:12 PM
17-03-2022 07:12 PM
Re: Hi, new to the group
@JennyM ,
Yes, definitely. Intermittent texts "I'm here if you need to talk", "Thinking of you" , "Looking forward to seeing you", "I love you" are texts that will mean a lot. Text and leave him to respond in his time.
Sometimes, after not seeing you in so long, he may feel guilt. Hence, these texts help leave that open line of communication.
A mother's love for their child will never cease - I know that for a fact.
Strengthen yourself now so that you'll be able to receive him and support him when he returns. Yes, there is great hope.
Also, it's probably good to know that although my relationship with my parents is NOT perfect, when I 'recovered', I felt an automatic desire to want to reconnect with them. I've been opening up to them more and more - something I thought I'd never be able to do.
We are with you in this,
tyme
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17-03-2022 07:16 PM
17-03-2022 07:16 PM
Re: Hi, new to the group
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17-03-2022 07:25 PM
17-03-2022 07:25 PM
Re: Hi, new to the group
I'm glad @JennyM .
I look forward to hearing how you progress.
What you are going through is not uncommon. I'm trying to find some threads on these forums which delve into some of what you are going through. I remember the posts, but am thinking which threads to share with you. Once I find them, I can direct you to them.
tyme
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17-03-2022 07:44 PM
17-03-2022 07:44 PM
Re: Hi, new to the group
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17-03-2022 07:45 PM
17-03-2022 07:45 PM
Re: Hi, new to the group
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18-03-2022 07:46 PM
18-03-2022 07:46 PM
Re: Hi, new to the group
As I pass through this thread, I wanted to see how you are going today @JennyM ?
Did you get up to anything special today?
tyme
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19-03-2022 02:33 AM
19-03-2022 02:33 AM