Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Faith-and-Hope]

Yes @Life78, I think you have a real opportunity to address this with him. A suggestion would be, "Hon, you mentioned hearing voices in your head before .... can you tell me some more about that ? I want to understand what is happening for you there .... maybe I can help .... " and see what happens.

Whether he talks about it or not, suggest going to the doctor to see what medication they have that can stop the voices bothering him so much.

All the best with it. I will be thinking of you.

💜

[Life78]

Hi Again
Few developments have happened and on if many set backs. My husband had a 3 hr talk with his sister. And a great ground for him to open up and good for her to listen to his stories and understand what he is telling her. And also cement the idea that it is real for him in her eyes and knowing he needs helps.
Light conversation of getting checked out came up and he agreed. I made the appointment for Thursday just been though he thought he was going in for blood results, which was also true but this time I was tagging along. It didn’t dawn on him until 4pm and he appointment was 5pm that it wasn’t just for blood results. Of course he became angry, hurt and in disbelief I wanted to tell the Dr I was concerned for him and his health and thought he needed a good look over. I can’t believe I stayed calm the entire time, listen to him speak/ yell/ ( which is totially expected) . I am gutted it never went ahead, but that would of been to easy. He hasn’t talked to me since, sleeping down stairs, and sendi texts of ‘ignore someone who thinks they know you better then yourself’. But I’m being strong and just getting on as normal for my two young boys. Interesting the more he talked to me about the neighbours the more concrete it is that he must have the voices a lot. From friends if neighbours calling him names. It’s from these stories that he keeps bringing up I guess make me strong to think I am doing the right thing. Because I still doubt myself, because at the moment it is really hard even understand it all.
But what’s my next step. I think if I bring it up again I will make him angry. I’m just keeping out of his way. He is not violent. I am just keeping away to avoid the arguement. But I know it has to come up again, or do I just say . Please make an appointment and we go from there.
It’s like living an out of body experience.
But if I put my self in his shoes- how would he be feeling? Would he have any insight into it? When does this happen?
How do they react when they gain insight into them having a problem? Or do they never?
Once medicated do they ever realise the neighbours were never the issue or do they still hold a grudge?

I know over time these answers will come but boy my mind is kind of numb but lost I guess.
Another though is it ethical to talk to people who have lived through this? Have insight into their condition? Would they be able to tell me the path to take for my husband? How do I support him with out him thinking I am putting him under the bus.
I try think logical - if he had heart disease I would pursue and ensure he got the best treatment . And this to me is the same, except he doesn’t see there is an issue?

Thanks for listening. Have a lovely day .

[Faith-and-Hope]

Good morning @Life78 .....

What you are describing is exactly the circumstance of anyone whose close relative is challenged with a mental illness, without the insight to realise that is what is going on.

All the questions you have raised are valid, and while you don't consider that he is violent or that you and your boys are in danger, I would encourage you to persevere trying to access help, when and how you consider it possible. You will now, at least, have the understanding of his sister who may be able to assist you in seeking help and support ...,, and for the very reason you stated ..... if your husband had a physical illness you would be doing everything within your power to access the best treatment you could for him.

Take care ..... 🌷

[Life78]

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope nice to hear your reassurance. 

Yes the sister I will turn to and I will persevere.  Though the anger and attitude that has come with this, is one thing that gets to me.  The blame, which I knew would come my way, but yoru right as the sister has an understanding that just may make him think otehrwise and at least go prove me wrong at the doctors.

Have a lovey weekend

Thanks

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks @Life78 ..... you too ..... 🌷

[Life78]

Hi,
So the tension remains in the house and thinking is it worth another trying to talk to him again and bringing up my concern? The sister is OS at the moment and not back for a week. I feel I need to raise the tension and address it. Being more straight up with it, or is it best for him to raise the topic??
This thinking consumes me, and normally if we argue I raise it again and then we talk. This is different but by just putting it to the side and then in a week it may raise its ugly head again, or the sister may have the gentle approach he reponds to.
I feel that If I don’t bring it up that I am pushing it aside and it’s not helping the relationship. I am frustrated that he just blocks me and that he just does not listen. Normal? I am sure it is. But if you can’t trust your wife or even listen to them then I don’t see that as good?
What do you think? Leave it or raise it?

Thanks!

[Faith-and-Hope]

It sounds to me like you need the support of your family doctor to help make your way with this @Life78 ...... professional opinion. It might mean that you need to attend a
Psychologist and work with them to try to secure help for your husband ..... not because you are unwell, but because he is.

[Life78]

Okay thanks! I will do that. I will continue on as normal put it to the side and see what they say.

Appreciate your quick response @Faith-and-Hope

Thanks

[Faith-and-Hope]

You're so welcome @Life78 ......

It's a horrendous position to be in.

Remember to take care of you ..... 💕