Lived Experience Forum

[constantcrying]

I wrote on here just over a year ago about how I was struggling after I lost my job (that I had moved to Brisbane for) and then shortly after my husband left me.

Well sadly things really haven't improved much. I've moved out of the house we shared as we sold it.  I've had to rent as I am only on a short term contract so can't get a home loan.  I still have barely any friends and I still get sick all the time (colds, injuries etc).

I'm on a lot less pay now than on was on in Canberra, and of course I don't have my ex-husband's salary to help now either so I'm really struggling financially.  My budget shows that after all of my necessary expenses I'm left with only $25 a fortnight 😞

I've thought about getting a flatmate in (I'm renting a 2 beddie apartment), but the problem is that my spare bedroom is filled with all of the furniture I can't fit in the rest of the unit.  I've been meaning to sell it, but I just can't the motivation up to do it.

My life consists of going to work, coming home and walking my dog, heating up something for dinner (I have no motivation to cook), and then going to bed.  Rinse and repeat every weekday.  Weekends are generally pretty unfulfilling too.  I'll generally take my dog to the dog park and just watch netflix or play on my laptop the rest of the time.  Occassionally this varies and I'll go to some meetup.

Noone other than my mum ever calls me.  I really feel like noone cares about me.  If I died today the only people that would miss me would be my parents.  

I'm on a high dose of antidepressants, but I've been on them so long now that I no longer know if they're helping (~4 years since finding out that my hubby was infertile).

I really don't want to go on living my life this way.  I'm completely bored and find myself struggling to come up with reasons to get out of bed each day.  I love my pets incredibly, but it just isn't enough to keep going.  I've thought about moving down south to be closer to my family, but that would cost a lot of money I don't have, and I couldn't go there without a job as I wouldn't want to be a burden on anyone.I

I don't know what to do.  I just feel like my life can't continue this way.  I'm so depressed.  i can't even see my psychologist anymore as I've used my 10 subsidised visits and just can't afford the full fee.  Life sucks.  I'm just over it.

[greenpea]

Hi constantcrying

I am so sorry life is being so hard on you atm. One thing I have learnt life never stays static, it always changes. Something happens. Nothing stays the same. I am sure I am older than you so I can assure you that things will improve. Just be kind to yourself and give yourself a pat on the back for reaching out.

I feel pretty lousy too so I know believe me I know....  in any case here is a virtual *hug* I hope you feel better soon.

[Former-Member]

Hi @constantcrying
its great to see you back on the forums again 🙂 I'm sorry to hear that things aren
't any better for you though.
I have a dog as well who keeps me company! wouldn't know how to be without him now.
Are you still living in Brisbane then? (at least it is warmer there!!) Financial difficulties suck! 😞
Glad you've reached out here, i think a lot of people can relate to the feeling that life is so monotonous and hard for so many reasons unfortunately. Hope you find some support and understanding here from others as well.
Take care

[constantcrying]

I truly believed that once we moved to Brisbane everything would get better.  I'd have a job I loved (I do actually love the job I have now, it just doesn't pay very well), and that we'd be going to the beach every weekend over summer.  The first year we were here we went maybe three times that I can think of.  I just couldn't get my ex-husband to go.  I was so frustrated.  We bought a house that needed some work done to it and that's all he ever wanted to do.  I was so bored.  It wasn't how I pictured our lives up here at all.  It also made it really hard to make friends as we never went out.

Now I'm by myself i have the time to go out, but don't have the money.  Everytime I go out I feel like such a miser as I'm constantly looking at the cost of things.  Because my friends up here are all established in their careers, they're all well paid and don't even think about the cost of things and just order whatever they want.  The last time we all went out they wanted to split the bill. I had to say no as I just couldn't afford it.  I ordered an entree (so I could afford a glass of wine as well) and they all had entree, main and several drinks.  No way i could afford to subsidise their drinking.  They understood, but it was embarassing to have to say no.  Never had to worry when out with friends in Canberra as I was one of the higher paid people in my group of friends so money wasn't a worry there.

I'm sick of worrying about everything.  I really thought things would have improved by now, but they really haven't.

[Former-Member]

@constantcrying
That sounds so awkward, i would have felt the same. I find it hard to get out and socialise and all these types of things would really completely floor me.
Is there any way of organising a catch up in a different way, like a regular walk together or something that is less about $s ?
I'm glad that you love your job, that is one positive! I have a job that i do still feel passionate about but its very draining at times...
Do you get to the beach with your dog much? We live down south and only a half hour from thebeach but don't get there very often because its just so cold! would love to take the kids more when it gets warmer again...

[greenpea]

How about Doggie Walking groups? I know they have groups like that advertised on the net around Sydney. I am sure they would have something similar in Brisbane. Social and exercise and all good for the head but the biggest thing is only the cost of petrol getting to the meet up and back home again. Even better share a ride with someone.

[constantcrying]

There are doggy catchup groups, but the problem is that they tend to meet quite early in the morning, around 7:30am.  Ever since I started the anti-depressants, I've found it incredibly hard to get up in the morning.  The weekends are my chance to catch up on much needed sleep, so I just can't get there in time.  And the only group I've found seems to have all of their walks around 1/2 hour drive from me.  I could go occassionally, but just couldn't afford the petrol cost on a regular basis unfortunately.

[greenpea]

@constantcrying You could start one your own with your work colleagues or your neighbours or both with hours that suit you better. I know it is hard when you can hardly get out of bed but small steps .. walks around the block. A walk in the local park that kind of thing. Working up to walks at beach etc.

I think you are doing really well all by yourself in a strange city so far away from your family. You should be proud of yourself and what you have/are achieving. Try not to worry too much about the money it will sort itself out some how it always does, says she with experience in that department.

[girl99]

@constant
That sounds like a tough position to be in. Sounds like you are going through a hard time. It's great you like your job though; that's so important! From what you are saying it sounds like you enjoy the QLD weather & your job, but you need more money? Can you maybe sell some of your furniture or put it into cheaper storage? Maybe hire a removal guy and see if they can transport it down to your parents place to store for you for a while? That might free up your spare room. I feel for your situation. I had to sell a lot of my furniture as I had no money and it was really upsetting for me. Especially as I was so desperate for money I got a lot less than what it was worth. Try to focus on the positive stuff in your life, your job, your dog, the nice weather. Like others on here have said, the world turns & things change. But I know what it's like to feel like you are stuck in life. I try to read 1 book a week & that helps a bit. Do you have a library near you
somewhere?

[constantcrying]

I've actually been meaning to sell a bunch of stuff since I moved into this unit as I just don't have the space of it and I kind of feel like it's weighing me down. Thankfully I don't have to pay for storage as I have a garage where I have everything stored as well as the second bedroom. Of course if I can clear out the spare bedroom, that would mean I could rent it out which would help my financial situation heaps.  I just have to get motivated enough to get organised and put everything up on Gumtree or ebay or something.  I sold a heap of stuff on Gumtree just before we moved from Canberra.  Now, I'm feeling really anxious about selling stuff as I'm worried about people showing up at my place.  In Canberra I had my husband there if anything went wrong.  Here I have noone.  Everythings too hard