Tillogram

[Till23]

I'm not really planning at this stage @AuntGlow. I haven't particularly thought about it.

I suppose I assumed I would go back to my usual routine. Although I knew I'd have a little rest when I got back it being a pretty busy trip.

Some things I definitely want to keep up, like my sport and table tennis (table tennis currently on holidays and will be over the school holidays), volunteering of some sort.

Although I have pulled out of volunteering tomorrow and I am disgusted with myself for that.

I have a few physical symptoms and some of these things including tiredness might be a flare up of my inflammatory/immune problem including the fatigue or maybe I'm being lazy.

[AuntGlow]

That is so fair, rest is important. @Till23 

Sport and volunteering sound great. Are you missing that sense of routine at all?

It's okay to not be ready, you're allowed to take a moment to breathe, especially if you're experiencing inflammation. This isn't lazy at all. 💛

[Till23]

I'm not missing the routine yet @AuntGlow because the fatigue and other symptoms of inflammatory/immune thing are fairly bad really so I'm just doing the daily and weekly tasks that need doing, catching up on stuff that didn't get done while I was away. Doing some stuff for sport club. I've pretty much finished packing up travel stuff and got the washing and cleaning associated with that finished.

When I start to feel a bit better, I'll probably feel a bit antsy, although of course the routine was broken while I was away. I'm always a bit less motivated in winter - I think most people feel like curling up in front of fire or reading in bed more that summer. 

[AuntGlow]

I see, that is completely fair. It sounds like listening to your body is really important right now @Till23 💛

And yes, absolutely! @Captain24 and I have been talking about how challenging Winter can be, and it is very common to find motivation and joy in general really hard to access. I think that is where we can allow ourselves to go slower and find what feels good. For example, I find hot pilates or yoga really helpful.

Have you curled up in front of the fire and read a good book yet? 🤩

Your psych sounds really supportive, I would like to hear how it goes if you feel comfortable updating me? 

[Till23]

I feel for me, there is a line between listening to your body and wallowing @AuntGlow I think I have to be aware of what's a "need" and what is a "want" or maybe a lack of motivation/laziness.

I will start doing more things around the house. Although I have been keeping up with things, I haven't done some planned activities, with the weather forecast to improve for a couple of days at least, I will try to get on to those things. I did a couple of things today - mainly tidying up after recent bad weather. I will try and get up on my roof tomorrow. I had planned to clean out gutters when I got home, but weather was too bad, so it was too risky.

I haven't read a book in front of fire yet, although I had the time to read a good book while I was away, which ignited my interest in books again. However, I have caught up on some TV programs on iView and SBS on demand in front of fire, so similar - although I usually do something else at the same time with TV.

Currently I feel completely alone, now being in house without the dogs or Dad, I'm back to trying to eek out an existence by myself. I'm not being on forums much because I feel I'm not saying anything recovery oriented so it's best to be here infrequently, if at all.

[tyme]

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@Till23 wrote:

Thanks @tyme I just watched that - interesting and kernels of truth but not as straightforward to achieve as it seems. Still a starting place

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Yeah, I tend to watch a lot of those you tube clips when I need it. Takes a lot of practice @Till23 

How are you today?

[Till23]

Yes @tyme as ever, practice is important in whatever you are wanting to achieve.

I'm putting one foot in front of the other, trying to increase my activity in the day. 

Trying to understand yesterdays events and the fallout.

Trying to work out what to do in future

Wondering whether I should have come back to forums - I don't think I'm being very recovery oriented. Probably nothing I'm writing is particularly helpful or relevant for others, so maybe I should try and deal with stuff myself and not clog up the forum

How are you going today?

[tyme]

Hey @Till23 , is that a bit harsh on yourself? I hear your concerns, but I find that your posts are always so uplifting. At the same time, we also respect you if you want a bit of a break. But this is not because you don't value you being you!

I hope you are okay.

[Till23]

I don't think so @tyme I'm just trying to get some stuff I thought about on my trip posted to kind of get that out of the way. When I took some photos I thought it might be fun for some of the other members.

I started to feel a bit lonely with coming home to empty house, so I decided to log in.

I hope you are ok though

[tyme]

I'm sorry that some of these feelings have popped up @Till23 . I wonder if it is the 'negative' brain speaking? 

I can say for certain that i missed you a lot while you were away. I was hanging for you to return so we could reconnect. 

I totally recognise that these thoughts can pop up from time to time. I've had them in the past. I've had to practice working with the thoughts, but not enabling them or I'd be swallowed by them. 

I've been a bit tired, but I feel I caught up on sleep last night so I'm feelingn really well.