Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Eden1919, thank you for starting this thread. Its a topic that's never even come up in all my counselling sessions. Pushed so far down just adds to subconscious pain.

Theze stories... ... oh how i wish there was a better way for a us.

The remembering - my heart skipped beats, jumped into my throat and I broke into a cold sweat just now reading here.

Forced confinement is not pretty.

Youre right. people dont want to talk about this touchy subject (a shame thing maybe as they punish criminals this way for deliberately doing something wrong).

To be honest, for me, such mental health treatments have been harder to come to terms with than the illness itself.

Perhaps the anonymity of the forums seems a safer place to put aside shame, open up and hopefully heal a little.

You're so not alone with this

My first involuntary confinement was in my 20's, for a total of two whole months. It was horrible, I felt ignored by staff, surrounded by people more interested in if I had smokes than the way they dress, and worse of all - I was trapped. Not just physically but in my head (looking back), I was not well.

Siblings came once but so bad it was they never returned. Mum & dad tried but mum made it about her. A couple if friends came once, to tell me I was an embarrassment... abandoned the faith (going to hell)... that the place was a beehive of demonic avtivity... and i had to get myself out if there pronto... Yeah, right, fat lot of good they were. 

Reality was - I didn't care about anything and had lost all hope and had actively tried to take my life. Guess it shocked family and friends who only saw me as the successful independent career woman of faith and music. Still don't know what broke me, ? a man i think.

The psychiatrist there told me 'there wasnt much they can do for people with my diagnosis' (anxiety, maj depression, dissociative disorder - now known as cPTSD), which was all beyond me at the time. Fortunately I was appointed an excellent psychologist there who talked with me every day, and two years after discharge - she saved my life.

A decade+ later, triggered by loss, a major relapse, I asked for help and came in as a voluntary public patient, but a few days later found out I was made an 'involuntary' patient by a letter from hospital administration left on my bed during lunch break. Words cannot explain how 'betrayed' I felt by my psychiatrist and all the staff. I had no idea it was coming. I shut down, switched I think, closed off to everyone and 'getting out' became my primary objective - not recovery. It was soooo hard and I think I'd rather die than go back there.

[Former-Member]

Gosh it feels good to get that out, thank you everyone for your stories and for SANE. Gonna go have a cry now. 

[girl99]

Thanks for sharing your story Lapses.

How horrible it must have been for you to be treated like that.  

Sometimes i feel very unwell but there is no way in hell or high water I'm going near those places.  my goal is to keep well enough to survive and stay far away from them.  

It's such a shame because they probably could be decent places that could actually help people but from what I keep hearing they are so bad.  In days gone by, they used to have 'convalesence homes' which sounded much nicer and people were actually cared for - warm blankets, nice views, decent activities focused on wellbeing.  Not people being put in isolation with a mattress on the floor.  To be honest, I blame the drug addicts - they seem to put ice addicts and those with acute illegal drug problems in psych wards and some of those people ARE very violent and do very much need to be isolated.  But most people just need love and care and kindness.

[Former-Member]

My 1st admission was involuntary. I was dragged kicking and screaming into a public hospital. The bed smelt like urine. I was very sick and had no insight into what was going on. I mived beds without telling the nurse and they put out a search party. I almost accidentally died by sitting in an open window in the staff room, 3 floors up. I nearly jumped but thankfully I was found. I too have moved to the private system now. Much appreciate the differences tho I haven't been inpatient for a long time. Involuntary can be difficult but can be a necessary evil too

[Kurra]

In days gone by it was far from a picnic @Eden1919. Straight jackets I can assure you are far from pleasant. I'd much prefer a mattress on the floor in a padded cell than a straight jacket. I've experienced both.

Again I need to emphasise that I was seriously unwell and they didn't have a choice.

I've got a fabulous life now. I'm so glad they did what was necessary to keep me alive!

[Eden1919]

i am not saying it hasnt helped some people more that i think people negelct to think about the truma that it causes i know i for one will never get over what happened and it will always be a part of me an ugly part but a part none the less. i think health care professionals dont take the time to help people who go through this to move on. When i was held down by 6 wardsmen and other nurses and given 2 injections whilst beggeing and pleading with them to stop because they were hurting me no one took the time after to sit down and tell me why that happened or gave me the time to process what had happened in fact i was expected to just move on a pretend like it didnt happen. i was expected to still trust the staff even after what had happened and do what they said. i dont trust people easy and for me that was the ultimate breach of trust. yes i was sick but that doesnt mean that they had to do what they did the way they did it nor treat me like they did afterwards. 

[Former-Member]

Eden1919, keep letting it out here, sometimes I hope it might be read by those psych nurses, and policy makers. Its awful that they forget the soul under the illness and speak to us as well as treat our illness. We are not our illness, we are the observer within. Yes, I absolutely agree with you that staff could realise the 'trauma' inflicted and come back for five minutes to explain instead of forever hiding behind their fishbowl. They probably don't because they think we wont take it in anyway, and maybe they've been spat on, but the soul remembers all. A neutral person might help perhaps, good cop bad cop scenario maybe. I don't know why they can't figure out something better. I think the nurses know its brutal and are uncomfortable in their own skin having to do the doctors dirty work so to speak. Their justification is that it "keeps us alive" I"m so sorry you were treated that way. My last admission I felt like a lonely caged animal, and very uncomfe locked in with violent men. There was no counselling session in 4wks (what's with that in a psych hospital? - pretty bad), my psychiatrist, who only saw me 15min a WK, he said " we don't have the money to offer counselling" No help, just a cage to stop harm. Having said all that, the ROUTINE and meals and stepdown company did me good. Ideally a good family taking me under wing might help but well, too many of us have abusive families. Nice to have a chance to put it in words, in context, but I don't the energy to be angry, or scared anymore. I knew I had to appear to cooperate to go home. Its complicated. Hugz

[Eden1919]

it is just horrible all round to have to experience it and there has to be a better way somehow there has to be or at least i have to hope for that or i will loose all faith in humanity. 

[Queenie]

Stay safe @Gumtree. Sending light your way 

[Former-Member]

Apart from funding, I blame litigators policies and micromanagement. Nobody's allowed to think for themselves much anymore, or go the extra mile. Night get sued, or sacked...
Maybe. I don't know how to make it better. Better to somehow self manage.