Lived Experience Forum

[Macqua]

About 2 years ago I was finally diagnosed with BPD and Bipolar Type 2 (which my psychiatrist said should’ve happened years prior). What a relief. Only thing is my drinking became excessive and almost caused liver failure. It’s been a year now of trying to become sober, however, I keep “failing”. I can’t help but think this whole sober thing just isn’t for me. My parents are insisting on it though and it’s getting to a point of unbearable control (i.e. a breathalyser at home, checking my bank accounts, etc.), when all I’ll have at most is a shared bottle of wine with a friend on my day off or on a weekend day. It’s kicking in old habits of rebellion which is making day to day life harder than it already is. Should I keep trying with the sober idea (my liver is back to normal and has been for months now) or talk to my parents about how my life isn’t my own anymore? Help!

[Jynx]

Hey @Macqua welcome to the forums, glad you found this space! 

I can hear how much relief and understanding the recent diagnoses have brought you, and I'm also glad that your liver has recovered! It sounds like you've been working hard on your recovery, however the intense monitoring is obviously taking its toll. Sometimes when we feel like our sense of agency and control has been taken away, it can create feelings of resentment and a desire to reclaim said control. I wonder if the monitoring is having an impact on your mental health, and making it harder to stay sober? 

If you think it could be helpful to chat to your parents about how you're feeling, then I say go for it! Perhaps you can include in your discussion stuff like, what recovery looks like for you, what helps you to feel supported, etc., and perhaps you can collaborate on a new approach, and go from there. 

[MermaidHair]

Hello @Macqua Welcome to the forums, I'm really glad you're here!

I just wanted to say well done on your sobriety and healing your liver, that's really awesome and no small feat! I suffered from fatty liver disease and managed to reverse mine too, livers are such fickle things. 

You're not failing but I think what you say makes a lot of sense. Feeling over monitored and controlled by your parents I can imagine feels really suffocating at times and perhaps they might not understand how that can contribute to the problem sometimes rather than help, like by causing feelings of resentment and urges to rebel. I think talking to them about all this is a good idea.

I recommend sober living for anyone regardless of previous history or problems with alcohol, it's just a better way of being once you get the hang of it! Don't give up, if it were easy everyone would be sober but it is definitely worth it. You've already come so far in your recovery, you've got this 🤗