Lived Experience Forum

[Leesu]

Hi all, well this is my first time on here and well I guess here goes. I've suffered with Anxiety and depression for years and recently have recently been diagnosed with OCD. I feel so tormented right now because the OCD I have isn't the OCD where you have to perform certain rituals like washing hands. Mine is Obsessive thought patterns.
I have these visions continuously pop up in my mind which scares me, and I've never acted on the before until 2 months ago when I started to self harm to stop the visions and spiralling thoughts. I'm glad I found this site because it's nice to know you're not the only one even though it feels like it some times.

[Happyness]

You said it Leesu
😃
"Feeling Tormented"

Your not alone with obsessive thought patterns

I can understand the pressure on the mind

Hopefully our minds are resilient enough until relief from symptoms comes our way

When relief comes our way hopefully the mind can mend itself and ease the pressure we feel

Maybe I can cuddle up with a good book to read
😃
And not worry so much

Happyness

[Leesu]

Thanks happiness.. I never knew there was such a thing called "obsessive thought patterns" until the psychologist explained it. I had an episode this afternoon following my GP appointment today. I had this overwhelming feeling of guilt straight afterwards because my partner found me hiding in the bathroom crying and I just felt sorry for him because he just doesn't know what to do.

[Leesu]

I'm not sure if anyone else has experienced this with the OCD but I was just curious.

For the past month i've had nightmares, but the nightmares are now including part of the disturbing visions i have.

I feel like such an insomniac. Does anyone else experience this?

It all just feels so cruel. I thought my days were hard but now my dreams aren't even safe.

[NikNik]

Hi @Leesu

Welcome to the Forums 🙂 I'm glad you found us!

Having the dreams at night, on top of what you're already experiencing must be overwhelming.

While I don't recall members disclosing the intrusive thought pattern type of OCD that you report, there are other members here who have disclosed they have been diagnosed with OCD. I can see a common thread of the immese disruption and impact it can have on life.

@Matty disclosed about his OCD and shared what increases his anxiety and his triggers. Even though it's different to yours, you might find the discussion interesting. You can find it here

When you spoke of the nightmares, @SCORPION came to mind. He doesn't have OCD, but has experienced horrible nightmares for extended periods of time, which have had a big impact on him. Scorpion, I hope you're doing well these days - do you have any advice for Leesu?

@Leesu - it must be so intense to experience the thoughts you do. I have read that some people who experience the same OCD as you, sometimes think of themselves as a 'bad person', because of the types of intrusive thoughts they have. I hope this isn't something that you battle with.

Like I said, I'm really glad you found us... we have a variety of backgrounds here, but all are very open, supportive and friendly.

Tonight we will be "sitting down" for a our Weekly Friday Feast, I hope you can join us 🙂

[Appleblossom]

Over the years I have had a lot of problem with obssessive thought patterns ... gradually over the years they have changed ..but they are still intrusive and unhelpful.

Welcome to the forums ... sometimes it helps reduce the tightness of the obssession to share ...

[Happyness]

My waking - dream state

Literally like having a lucid dream but awake

How difficult to control it

The good news is step-by-step I have some hope for recovery

Slow progress

But some progress is better than no progress

[Jystme]

@Leesu
Feeling am insomniac? I know all about it. I can not sleep unless medicated. I've gone 12 years on CPTSD until I broke & it's ugly head rose.
So NO I could not sleep, my brain WAS on hypet-alert. And your brain DOES loop & loop & loop & loop. You must get restful sleep. So consider your GP or Psych giving you medication to sleep. It feels SOOO good, no kidding when taken some meds for it, watching TV and that lovely sleepy feeling comes ON YOU.

It's your mind at rest. It doesn't wirl around & around.. It's restful and you just sleep. Wow. Best feeling. The OCD part??
I don't know, whilst well, I've been called all sorts of things; OCD; ADD; ADHD, etc.
but I can focus intently AND do the work of 3 people EASY done dusted.
My mic name; Pocket Rocket. OCD I think they thought that I was pedantic ON rules because they worked.

I was the boss & the systems worked. Everything had a way it ought be done. ONLY one way, the RIGHT way.

You say your partner came home & you were crying. And you felt guilty.,
Hey, it's okay to cry. It's best to cry. Don't keep those emotions bottled, it will harm you more.

Have you told your partner what's been happening to you? Because if you haven't, then please think about telling him all that is happening to you.

He needs to understand so he doesn't freak out seeing weird stuff, okay?
Then also, you have someone who loves you that you can talk this all out with.

It's like a problem shared, is a problem halved. And we often WONT DO IT for ourselves, being selfless.. But, we all have to learn that it's okay to receive too., so accept his love and his care and that he wants to be your knight in shining armour.
Never keep secrets. It is a WORSE betrayal when it comes out.

AND hop on and share and share. And know we all have our thing we find hard dealing with, BUT, we are HERE for you and others when they need help with their thing.

We are all learning all the time.
Take care, and open up. Once you SEE a problem, you are half way there to fixing it. HOW lucky are you? And we?
😀 smilie face to you & beaming love ❤️