Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Determined]

@Bubbles3

What can you do?

Tell your husband you love him often

Tell him thankyou and that you appreciate him. 

For me having my darling give me a spontaneous hug and say I love you goes a long way. She did this only yesterday and it was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. 

I understand what you mean when you said to Darcy that you put up walls thinkig your hubby is hurting you but that it was more you were scared of being hurt. I have often wondered about this with my darling 😞

Perhaps this is somthing that you can discuss with him? I dont know him but I know it would mean a lot to me. 

[Bubbles3]

Thankyou @Determined and it seems like your doing a great job with the way you ha e been coping.

Im also in and out of hospital. Public and private.
I also want to leave at points. Just leave hubby and the kids. The reason why i want to do that is because i feel like im causing them more pain and hurt than if i went , i wouldnt hurt them so much. Thats the way i think. Thats when im in an hurting, not with it point. But deep down i know thats not true.

I tend to find when things are happening and we (as in bpd people) find that we push people away but we also want to be cuddled at the same time. If that makes sence. Sometimes we are delusional and we dont know what we want. Well that what i find with me anyway. Im not saying that your wife.

Im on my phone doing this. Ill just have a shower and then go on my laptop and write more.

Hipe this helps a little

[Determined]

Children starting to get ratty here, may have to head out with them shortly to give my darling a break so if I dont reply right away I will eventuality 😊

[Bubbles3]

thats ok @Determined

illl write more while im waiting. 

and by the way ........i went and gave my hubby a big cuddle . so thankyou

[Determined]

Lovely to hear @Bubbles3

We are about to go out looking at christmas lights . Have been promising our boys since the start of December but had a lot on so kept putting it off. My brother took usnout in his boat earlier in the week to see some lights around some canals near where he lives. Lol we were a little out of place in our little tub amongst it all  but it was nice. 

[Bubbles3]

@Determined

we also have children 8,7 and 5 years old. so things do get hard. also another big factor is having time to yourselves that put alot of pressure on our marriage. we have no time what so ever. my is a truck driver so he works 12 to14 and half hour days and he is in bed by 8/ 8.30 most night so we have no time at night. and he works 6 days a week sometimes 7 days . and also some nights he is away in his truck. 

so we get no time together. the rest of the time is al about the kids. we try to shuv them off to a family member every now and then, like once in a blue moon but by then  all we do is just sit and do nothing coz we are so worn out. we dont go out and do anything together or anything like that. 

we have tight,  borring life. 

we also have money problems probably because of me. we are behind on all our bills even through hubby works his arse off.  i try my best with the money. but i alway seem to f*ck it up and he get p*ssed off with me.

back to the the subject now

hubby doesnt like me going on this sight. i dont know why. maybe coz it has caused problems before, i dont know. but he doesnt like it. 

i just tright to explain to him that i met you on here and the reason why and he still doesnt like it. so its just me trying to get help on here. 

i do try my best with my hubby. i try to love him as much as i can . but our sex life is nothing. which i feel bad about it. i wish it was better but its not. 

i was brought up in a very demestic viotent home and then at the age from 12 to 15 i was being  sexually abused for a few years and then at the age of 19  my partener who i had been seeing for 3 years, i found him dead in his bed. so iv had a very trumatic life and i find it hard to love someone. dont get me wrong ,i love my hubby but i mean love in the other way.that why i have to put the brick wall up because i think im going to get hurt. and i cant stand to be hurt again. because it hurts so deeply that i cant deal with the pain and thats when i go of the rails. 

i dont know if yourf wife have had same  or not. but having BPD is very hard along with everything else.

[Bubbles3]

@Determined

we also have children 8,7 and 5 years old. so things do get hard. also another big factor is having time to yourselves that put alot of pressure on our marriage. we have no time what so ever. my is a truck driver so he works 12 to14 and half hour days and he is in bed by 8/ 8.30 most night so we have no time at night. and he works 6 days a week sometimes 7 days . and also some nights he is away in his truck. 

so we get no time together. the rest of the time is al about the kids. we try to shuv them off to a family member every now and then, like once in a blue moon but by then  all we do is just sit and do nothing coz we are so worn out. we dont go out and do anything together or anything like that. 

we have tight,  borring life. 

we also have money problems probably because of me. we are behind on all our bills even through hubby works his arse off.  i try my best with the money. but i alway seem to f*ck it up and he get p*ssed off with me.

back to the the subject now

hubby doesnt like me going on this sight. i dont know why. maybe coz it has caused problems before, i dont know. but he doesnt like it. 

i just tright to explain to him that i met you on here and the reason why and he still doesnt like it. so its just me trying to get help on here. 

i do try my best with my hubby. i try to love him as much as i can . but our sex life is nothing. which i feel bad about it. i wish it was better but its not. 

i was brought up in a very demestic viotent home and then at the age from 12 to 15 i was being  sexually abused for a few years and then at the age of 19  my partener who i had been seeing for 3 years, i found him passed away in his bed. so iv had a very trumatic life and i find it hard to love someone. dont get me wrong ,i love my hubby but i mean love in the other way.that why i have to put the brick wall up because i think im going to get hurt. and i cant stand to be hurt again. because it hurts so deeply that i cant deal with the pain and thats when i go of the rails. 

i dont know if yourf wife have had same  or not. but having BPD is very hard along with everything else.

[Emmet]

Hi @Bubbles3. Your situation sounds almost like a perfec match for mine..... except I am the carer...

I so want to help my partner but I struggle with knowing what to do at the right time. My frustraton in not knowing when to do what but i think the frustration shows and is interpreted as anger....yes, towards myself!

The sessions with the psychiatrist are a mystery except for the events after a session where I have to work out what happened to cause such mood swings.

My partner does not reveal too many cards and everything is very close to the chest which doesnt make it easy.

I guess everything I could write here would end with 'it doesnt make it easy' but thats just it, it's not easy for either of us and in saying that I have absolutely no intention of giving up on my partner getting better.

We have had a wonderful 20+ years together and i hope for a lot more, we just need to find the answer to something that happened just over a year ago which triggered all of this.

Anyhow, I will keep trolling the Forum looking for ideas to my specific issues

Now for you problem...have you ever invited you partner to attend a session? Perhaps he is affraid of not knowing how to react....Men hate to admit they dont know something.... Im an expert at that!

[Bubbles3]

another thing @Determined

im a recovering acoholic. well i still slipp up like last night and tonight. and im over over medicating. just to run away from my problems. i have so much going on right now. on the 17th  of jan i have to go to court at a fault of my own (sort off). now my  mum has just told me that she isnt coming for xmas tomorrow. which has really p*ssed me off. i have so many problems to deal with ATM. 

thats why my hubby is stressed to. because im stressed.

[Bubbles3]

hi @Emmet

yeah my hubby wont go to any appointment and not only that he doesnt have time. he work long hours