Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Former-Member]

Hi @Kreagor
Checking in to see how you are going.
Darcy

[Rae]

Hi I am in a similar situation. I was wondering how things were going.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Rae
Do you want to talk about it?

[Rae]

It's been hard, mostly because someone he had an affair with and told me he had finished it, sent me his clothes in the mail while he was in hospital. Ones he had worn recently, it was hard to broach this with him while he was "getting treatment" I am confused, lost and feel betrayed. I feel like we will never get to resolve anything. I am starting to realise that their have been so many times, he just got good at covering it up. When I asked him about the most recent incident he wanted to know how I found out. That was the first thing on his mind. I think once you get away with it there will never be a change... that's the hardest to digest

[Former-Member]

@Rae

From what I understand there are men who cheat and there are men with bipolar who experience hypersexuality when they have manic episodes and have a lot of sex (often unprotected) which is usually quite meaningless, I don't know if they feel remorse about it.

Working out what category your man fits in may or may not make a difference. Does the latter make indiscretions forgiveable, particularly if they are seeking help?

I know I felt really upset when I found my Mr Darcy was answering spam emails about dating websites and was getting sent pictures of large breasted women. I don't think he cheated on me but I cannot be certain, he was quite secretive at times and can only imagine the feeling of betrayal that both you and @Kreagor have had.

Do the treating team about this? It is an important symptom of bipolar and one that needs addressing. Mr Darcy has had a lot more on the depressive side and some of the drugs he was given induced mania, a side effect that was missed.

Darcy

[Rae]

Yes they do, the last person I am aware of told me they had unprotected sex, numerous times. I think it is related to his bipolar that's why I think I have tried to just get over it, but I need a life with someone I can trust.. life is getting away from me and I have isolated myself for fear of people knowing my pain

[Former-Member]

@Rae

Getting some help and self care happening so help you cope is oh so necessary. Carers Australia are a good starting point and provide free counseling, Sane can help too, Wellways if you are in the Eastern States.

We all need friends and you can chose what you do or do not share with anyone, I could not have got through with the loving support I have (even though I have felt incredibly lonely in my grief). Boundaries in any relationship are important.

Darcy

[Kreagor]

Hi @Former-Member
Thanks for checking in with me 🙂
Things are going slowly, I'm actually ok I think. Husband is still struggling, trying to find an identity. I encourage patience, but they tend to want to fix things 'now' LOL... It will be a year or more I think before he should even think about getting work. We are fortunate that we have medical insurance otherwise things would be very tough financially. His chronic pain is difficult, another procedure next month, hopefully that will help. He is keeping house for me and doing a good job of it. Our life is very quiet and will be for, I think forever.
Time will tell, at this point I am thinking it's going to be alright.
I hope all is well with you 🤗

[Former-Member]

@Kreagor how do you find Mr K's pain affects his BP?

Mr Darcy has a complication with one of the injuries sustained in his attempt, now needs a hip replacement and this has sent him into a tailspin. Meds seem to be holding him in many ways (says not suicidal but hope hard to detect). See pdoc next week to get clearance, hoping to have surgery within a few weeks.

I an finding recovery from acute phase takes a long time, we are nearly 2 years on and I don't think Mr D has come to terms with it.

[Kreagor]

@Former-Member

The psychiatrist mentioned that pain worsens symptoms, especially his depression, which is understandable. Getting on top of his pain is important so that he can start to feel that he can do things again. 2 years for acute episode, that doesn't surprise me... I don't really think that my husband will ever really be able to work again (but I keep that to myself).
He feels that he has lost his 'edge', (he realises though that his 'edge' is really just a double edged sword) he's definitely lost his confidence. I'm thinking that if he can lessen his pain, his world might not appear so black. I know we are 50, but I think further study for him in the future may be beneficial. Right now though he can't remember where he put his keys - early days.