My Mosaic

[rav3n]

ooo i haven't watched that one but i have seen the ads, those game shows seem fun @Bow a hot cuppa sounds lovely, this weather just makes me want to have hot chocolate and snuggle up!

i'm heading off now, good night! hope you enjoy your cuppa  💗  

[AuntGlow]

@Bow, I hope you are getting some welcome relaxation in before bed. 

I know things are a lot for you right now - you're allowed to feel whatever comes up, we've got you, okay? 

If you have the space to answer, I would love to know if there was one little win of the day? It can be anything! For example, you ate a meal, drank some water, walked around, (chatted to us here!). Let me know. 🥰

[Snowie]

@Bow 💕💕

[rav3n]

hey @Bow wanted to check-in, how are you holding up? did you sleep ok? 💗

[Bow]

Not ok day @rav3n  thats all I say

[rav3n]

that's okay @Bow i know this week's a tough one, i'm really glad you're reaching out here. sending you hugs 💗 

what would be helpful tonight? is there anything in particular you wanted to chat about?
here for you.

[Bow]

@rav3n  Tomorrow is my little brothers 30th birthday. I remember as a 12 yr old how excited I was to be getting a baby brother. There was a big age gap, but I was so excited. He ended up arriving 5 weeks early. He was so tiny. So tiny that my step dad’s wedding ring went up to my brothers elbow. It was to be such a happy time. He was early, but he was fine. 

TW

but it didn’t end up being a happy time for me. It didn’t end up being an exciting time. And I have never really been able to celebrate his birthday because while my mum was in hospital with my baby brother my step dad repeatedly raped and abused me. 

the details remain so vivid. 

mum and my baby brother eventually came home from hospital and everything went back to normal. It was never spoken about. 

there is so much. This man was more like a real dad than my own dad was. He took us in. Treated me like his own daughter. But then he did that. Repeatedly. And then I was expected to carry on as normal???? 

he died a few years later of cancer. How was I suppose to feel? Was I suppose to grieve? Be happy this monster was gone? I had to hide so much from family and friends. 

[Ru-bee]

Hey @Bow I just wanted to stop by and let you know that we're all here for you and we'll be here tomorrow. I'm sorry you've had to go through this and continue to re-live it

I know there's not much else I can say but I'm here 💜

[rav3n]

i'm so sorry this happened to you @Bow your step dad's actions are truly horrific. i wish i could do more, i wish i could take away your pain... but what i can do is listen. i can hold space for you and your feelings. it can be really conflicting when a family member who did treat you well at times, has also caused the most amount of pain... there's no 'right' or 'wrong' way to feel about it Bow. whatever you feel is valid. you are allowed to be honest with yourself, and we're here to support you.

💗💖💞

[Bow]

Thanks @rav3n @Ru-bee 

i know y’all are here, but in real life I am feeling deeply alone. My psych is away, my SW is away- and the SW that I was given has been away the last 2 days, my CM is mia. What am I even suppose to do tomorrow? Just hide in bed?