Lived Experience Forum

[Nirvana03]

I have been perscibed an antidepressant for quite a while now. Towards the beginning of the new medicaiton, I was very good about remembering to take it regularly. Once I started to feel better, however, I remembered less and less. I went days without taking it, then weeks, and now months. I couldn't come up with a reason for why I wasn't taking my medication even though I needed it in order to feel happy. Someone then pointed out to me that I could possibly be self-sabotaging myself subconsciously. The more and more I think about it, the more it makes sense to me that I was choosing not to take my medication even though I knew that it would help me. I just can't understand why I am sabotaging myself when I want to be better. 

I'm just having a very hard time right now and am looking for some input. If anyone has any, please feel free to let me know. Thanks.

[BlueBay]

Hi @Nirvana03

I can relate. I do the same. Every few months I stop my meds snd my psych snd doctor pointed out I was self sabotaging. I don’t know why I do it. I’m not better snd still need to take them. 

At the moment I am taking them but who knows I may stop sgsin. 

Its good that you are feeling good without your meds. 😊

[Nirvana03]

Well no, I don't feel good without my meds, I feel worse. What I don't understand is why I choose not to take my meds when I know that they will make me feel better. And when I realize that I am going through another episode, I still choose not to take them, until I became aware of this ( I was doing it subconsciously in the past - now I'm just trying to undestand why I did this.)

[BlueBay]

I’m sorry @Nirvana03 i read it wrong. I’m the same I know I have to take them but at times I stop them. 

When I stopped it wasn’t until my doctor pointed out how important it was to tske them. And the reason I was unwell because of stopping the meds 

just a reminder when tagging someone put a @ snd start typing the name and a drop down box appears and you choose the name. Otherwise members won’t get a notification of your reply. 😊

hope thst makes sense 

[Nirvana03]

@BlueBay ah sorry I'm new at this. 

Why is this a common thing for people persscribed medication to do?

[BlueBay]

I don’t know @Nirvana03 I think for me I self harm at times but nit often. I stop my meds more often than sh. 

Msybe I think I can getter without them. When in actual fact it’s worse. Maybe I’m punishing myself. It’s interesting. 

[Nirvana03]

@BlueBay

Yes exactly, it's intersting. Someone also just pointed out to me that self sabotage could be a form of self harm. 

[BlueBay]

Yeah @Nirvana03 thsts exactly what my doctor told. I’m self harming.