Lived Experience Forum

[Owlunar]

Hi @outlander

I can see you there - and yes - it may be that you get triggers for a long time yet - and so do I - and I have an idea that triggers happen and trying to avoid them is really hard and so I have tried hard to learn that this is life and try to figure my way through the maze of reminders than can turn us topsy-turvey at times

I have had a bunch of them since I had my operation but learning this is my life etc has helped - but this is a life-time of enduring and getting stronger about it

So still I don't know what happened to set you off - I can say that yes - it does matter and yet - this is your life - and no - it's horrible and no - you don't have to like it

For some reason I hve been thinking about my mother now and again after the last few days - she was not a helpful person and so - like - why her? and why now? - trick questions in my foggy brain right now but think on - I need to think on and you need to think on - right

I think that for some reason we have an idea that our mothers will care for us and this does not always happen and this is a grief-situation

As I don't know what your trigger was/is I can only assume that it is something in your past has got uip and bitten you on the backside - and I am sorry about this - and again - it happens and you don't have to like it

Honestly I do believe that trying to avoid triggers makes it harder - and the idea of holding an ice-cube in your hand will give you something else to think about - good idea

I am rattling - I deleted a part of this message and - oh sheesh - one thing I remember from my past is Ernie on Sesame Street singing "Manamana - manamana" and knowing myself I would be pleased to hear someone trying to care rather than the empty air yelling at me

I care heaps and hope you are feeling better today - it will take time and practice to find your feet in the world after a major life-change

Sending hugs and what else I can find here

Dec

[outlander]

hi @Owlunar 🙂 

i am doing abit better today. im not really on my other thread as theres heaps of convos going on and dont want to add to the mix so ill stick to here to talk to you and others for now. 

yesterdays trigger was a news article that wasnt very obvious on the headline and it turned out to be csa stuff and of all times i read a newsarticle its that! lesson learnt dont read anything!

how have you been going since your operation? beside the flashback type stuff. anaesthetic plays havov on our systems. i know and understand.

its tricky wiht family. im starting to accept that yep my family hates me and while i dont like it,  its not my problem. i can only do what i can- i am only human after all. 

anyway last night mum and the tribe stayed at their house and thats the way itll stay now. just up to the nicnacky type of stuff but at least now i can get my room in order. i couldnt get furniture until that stuff has gone and now that it has i can put my shelves and desk in. im looking inot other options like laybe and interest free plans to get some new furniture. as i cant seem to find what im after but have found it in the shops the style im after. 

[Owlunar]

Hi @outlander

I get it with reading stuff - or having it appear on TV - when stuff happens in the Juvenile Detention Centre I get wound up like a spring - 

But I do have ways of dealing with it and I sometimes ring the Centre and find out exactly WHAT this next lot of stuff is about - the press can get hold of something and make an issue out of something that is okay most of the time

It takes time to adjust to life-style changes and my suggestion is to get rid of anything left behind unless you really want it - this is your place now and it will take time to find all you need and all you want and all you like and this is part of the fun of it all - and you deserve to have some of the good stuff now

Your Pop will like this arrangment better too

I am feeling really exhausted today - the whole being out of my space and in hospital got to me - really - standing up or sitting in a straight chair for hours did not help me at all and I will be making an issue about this with the hospital - we pay for our private insurance cover and surely they can do better than that - wow - I really feel that today 

And hey - it is a good thing to feel disatisfaction with things like that - and having a nurse say to me "Well most people have someone bring them into hospital and take care of things like that" (My valuables) I felt really stunned that anyone should dropped what they are doing and wait around for me like that - my daughter was late for work taking me to the hospital and couldn't stay - and I am so independent I would not want anyone to put themselves out and this stings 

So - we have years between our ages but so much in common - it's really amazing actually

I am going to prepare some vegetables and I have stuff in the freezer to eat - I feel really tired and here's the thing - we do not have to like being treated in a bossy, careless manner - you have had more than your share of that in a short space of time - 

Yes -  and your family - like my family of origin - don't like us and that's fine - you are right - it's their problem not ours - it's a long time since I had anything to do with my siblings

Gotta go for a short time but I will be back - I'm feeling really washed out right now

Dec

[outlander]

@Owlunaryeah I get wound up pretty tight or itll go the oppositee way like yesterday and set me off terribly and send me off the rails abit.

I do like furniture shopping but it does get frustrating. And yeah im getting the stuff I want for once but it has to be slow so I can replace things as I get rid of them or really have the replacement item ready to go. My room looks like a bomb went off lol. I hate mess but its a good mess atm as it means a good change so I can deal with the mess for now.

Im currently waiting on chrisco and getting a few house chores done but steadily.

Ive done all the stuff that pop needed to do.

Im not surprised you feel exhausted. Hospital is draining however you sitting in that chair was a requirement. Too much weight or movement too soon would stop the healing process so it was a good thing that you had to sit aorund for alittle bit. Its better in the long run.

because your use to independence its unusual for people to wait for you or feel the nedd for others to wait for you. Im the same way and would rather just do it myself. Everything will work out @Owlunar

I find I have quite a lot in common with people here despite the age differences. I interact with some of the younger members here and the older members too. I seem to get along with just about everyone. Unfortunte that the things ive been through have made me like this though but the upside is ive made some amazing friends here on the forums.

I do hope you get some rest today, will chat later

[Owlunar]

Hi @outlander

No - the straight chair in the waiting room was a pain not a requirement

Normally and every other time I have been into hospital for an operation I have been put into a ward and given a bed and a place to lock my wallet etc - and I have no idea why I had to wait there so long because when I turned up the waiting room was full of people - I don't know where they went

I have been so tired today - sure the weather is very warm 

It's jiust one of those things - I  will complain - I have never had to wait for an operation like that - 

I hope you are feeling better this afternoon - it's really humid and stormy looking again in Melbourne

Dec

[outlander]

Hi @Owlunar

Now i gotcha!
No not really but will talk later. Mum moving out has certainly not made things easier for me thats gor sure!

[outlander]

@Former-Member are u still around

[Former-Member]

yes @outlander I am here sis

[outlander]

@Former-Member i dont k ow whats wrong. My anxiety has spiked and im worried ill end up like i was before and i just feel off and so much is all happening around me and i cant keep up with it all and its to overwhelming and i dont know what else to do

[Former-Member]

ok @outlander I think I understand about so much happening around you and it is overwhelming. Lets just stay here (tell me if I am wrong)

Just focus on your breathing for now. Slow in down, focus on slowing it right down. Lets just do that together first and then we can move on