Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

SO , l have my good days and all seems well , and there are my bad days when l am giving up and feeling really hopeless and then there are my DISASTER DAYS where l am punishing myself for my support team's tackless way of dealing with me , because l am a difficult and very unwell person and its easy to agree with me rather than debate with me.

I am having a bad to a Disaster day currently where l am self harming myself AND the thoughts in my head are telling me to further the damage as l am not doing good enough !!

So l am kinda talking to a Psychologist who has said words THAT have close to pushed me over the edge . I have a partner who has done the same.

I have a GP who asks about my feelings and mental status and that annoys me to buggery. 

So with all that has been happening today , yes the lockdown, l cannot deal with being stuck at home all the time. 

I feel paranoid and with my meds feel like l see and hear things which arent helpful at all.

I hate going to the ER for suicide threats as l become more anxious being there and l feel like l am going to pass out.

I am a unique person as l have a range of RARE conditions and l just want ot feel normal , act normal and wish all my problems away,

I am losing faith that l can live on like this , l am losing my way and l am scared where l will end up.

I dont want a magical answer that will solve it all for me , but l dont know anymore.

I dont want to be broken anymore , l want to be saved at times but other times l dont.

I am confussed and l hate myself . 

[NatureLover]

Hi @Former-Member , that is all very bad, and I am sorry to hear. 

I don't have any answers, but I hear you. 

[RoseAngel]

I am hearing a person who knows herself very well. There is so much craziness in this world. I suffer from Anxiety and Panic Disorder and you have to listen to your body.

Nature helps me so much relax and breathe in the clean air. Where there is life there is hope. The way forward is the path you must travel on. We are all beautiful and you have so much to offer this world. You have to affirm things in your mind, that you are special. I have read your words and understand. There is so much to love about yourself. I pray that you will not feel confused and broken in spirit. God will bless your life. You understand what you need and how your body feels. That is a step to finding the light again in your life. 

[Owen45]

Thank goodness for this SANE Forum where we can vent some strong feelings about life and our current situations. 

[Former-Member]

Hello @NatureLover ,

Sometimes being heard is all l need , or we need to just breathe

[Former-Member]

Hi @RoseAngel 

Thats what scares me the most that l know myself too well and l know what l am capable of and l have lately looked for faith to see me through the craziness  and tough times.

I spend most nights praying for everything to work out and that God sends me someone who will walk with me , stand by me and mostly not judge me but be with me through this all.

[Former-Member]

Hello @Owen45 

Yes , it has been a relief to vent my feelings and not feel judged by what l say.

I know l am in a bad place and need to look at the brighter side of things but its been really hard to stay above when all you feel like is drowning.

[RoseAngel]

God is there for anyone who calls Him.

It is good that you know yourself.

You are capable of anything. I believe in you.

Believe in yourself. One step at a time.

Improvise, Adapt and Overcome.

Strength comes from within. 

Faith will grow. You have been through very tough times and you have survived.

Jesus walks with His children daily. My strong faith has been with me through Anxiety. 

You know yourself better than anybody. 

Look forward not back. 

🙏☺️❤️

[RoseAngel]

I agree. This is a great way to open up about your feelings and emotions and experiences. It helps so much to be able to do so. Someone will be listening. 

[Former-Member]

Hi @RoseAngel 

Thank you for your kind words