Lived Experience Forum

[Change123]

Its not yur fault @BlueBay but I kow they make you feel like it is.

After my experience in the ED I put in a complaint to the mental health commission, I still hadnt heard anything yesterday so I sent another email.  Today I received an aplogising email and a link to where the complain should be sent.  So I have put in a formal complaint about the treatment I have had - its the only thing that makes me feel in control as I'm so sick of doctors now pushing us away as though we are just here to make their life difficult.  I mean for f   ! sake I cant understand what drives these doctors apart from the obvious "money" they are supposed to be there to help us and they keep treating us like the stereotype "a child having a tantrum".

I feel for you @BlueBay because I know how much it hurts when they turn you away - its like the very lifeline you have is snapped away. I have just realised that even though I'm not having ongoing therapy anymore - I definitely wont be doing that or seeking any ongoing help other than meds with my GP. I definitely willnever go to an ED again and if that means I do something stupid so be it, I couldnt handle that humilation again.  Hopefully I will hear more about that complaint.

I'm thinking of you give Jess a hug for me! 🙂

[utopia]

@BlueBay. I'm glad you had the two psych appointments today. Your psych actually listened to you better today. That's brilliant. The CAT psych - what did he/she say? How did you feel with them? Comfortable?
I think you should stay with this CAT group for a while - utilise their free services while you can. Psych nurses can be great to talk matters through with. And then - they may be able to recommend a psychologist who bulk bills only. They would have a list of suitable psychologists and what field they specialise in.
Up your kids board. You are a family - & whenthe parents sstruggle financially - the working kids need to contribute more.
Christmas will be another tough one for my son and I again this year. 3rd Christmas in a row on WorkCover. 80% of a 3 day income - I struggle to pay the mortgage and the bills. I buy for my mum, my sister and my son. My brother and his wife and their kids & my Aunties and Uncles etc get nothing. I just can't afford it. But they don't mind. They'd rather my company and ro know my boy and Iare well - than any ppresent.
So be kind to yourself. Take the pressure off the financial side this year.

[BlueBay]

Hi @Appleblossom @Change123 @utopia

Thanks for your replies.  OMG i stuffed up things today - all because of my damn anger and inpulsiveness.

I emailede my old therapist and told him that i want to cancel my appt with him this coming thursday. i also told him that i was angry at his comments to me on the phone earlier.

he replied back and said fine, and that i wasn't thinking properly and not being in my 'wise mind'. he then wished me well in my journey and thanked me for having him as my therapist.

I then felt so bad for cancelling my session and ending it like this so i called him and left a message.  he called bafck just a few minutes ago and said yes i can go to the appt, he hadn't booked anyone else yet.

i feel like a real stupid idiot for my actions.  i have been upset and still am.  i was also thinking just before that maybe i should call the CAT team tomorrow morning where i went to see the psych and ask if they know of any psychologists who bulk bill. 

i am so mentally exhausted i can't even think straight. 

As for Christmas - well i don't know yet what we are doiong.  i am crying because i can't think that far at the moemnt.  but i do know that it's not far away.  but i do know that kids will get very little this year. they do understand. as long as we are altogether, that's the main thing.

@utopia i do like this CAT team psych, he is very caring, calm and i must say a gorgeous looking guy!!!! LOL

And it is free, something I need at the moment.  But i did find it a bit strange, the psych has a mental health clinician (nurse) in the room as well.  And i noticed the nurse kept looking at me (he was prob watching my body language) which wasn't good, pinching my skin, looking down no eye contact at all, sobbing.

Tonight I feel nothing, after all the emotion from this morning to this afternoon - i have had it.

[utopia]

@BlueBay. They normally do have a psych nurse go into the appointment with you and the CAT psych. Yes, they mark everything down. But even your psych does the same. He just might do it after you leave. It's all part of the assessment. Body language, tone of voice, body tics or other signs of anxiety. It's not a negative. It's all about diagnosis & working out what's the best treatment from this point forward. All perfectly normal.
I'm glad you still have your psychologist appointment for this week.
Don't dwell on what happened before. He was still happy to see you. Just focus on now.
This is just a hickup in your therapy and good health. It won't last forever - although it may feel like that.
You will soon have your positive moments back.

[Appleblossom]

@BlueBay Glad you have your appointment back. It will give you something to discuss and work on with him.  Impulsiveness, therapy, cost, wise mind; they are all part of coming to understand ourselves.  In understanding ourselves we are more likely to make the best decisions. 

@utopia gives great advice, tho I dont how long the CAT team will be around. For me they have never been around for longer than a fortnight.

Maybe you can think of a theme to celebrate how far your family has come together .. and look back at past christmases .. and see how little they were and how they have grown ... and pressies grown .. and yes you said it .. its most important to be all together .. dont stress too much .. keep it simple. As mums saometimes its hard to see how big they actually are .. now .. after all the years of pouring time and love into them.

Take care

[utopia]

@Appleblossom. The CAT group I worked with had a number of long term clients - mainly BPD clients & some clients on regular depot injections.
Others generally would be with us for 2 to 6 weeks before passing on to their gp and private psychologist.
Unfortunately, there just isn't enough money for better and longer support. We desperately need the Government's to spend more money in this area.
I'm sorry you only had such a tiny period of support through CAT. What or where did you go after that? Your own psycholigist and/or psychiatrist.

[BlueBay]

I'm sorry everyone I'm feeling like I want to do something to myself to end it all. It's just too hard to keep going.

[utopia]

@BlueBay. Call LifeLine or your CAT now. Talk it through with them.
I'll be here for you.

[Appleblossom]

@BlueBay Inhale and exhale .. find something in your environment to bring you back to now ..

rise and fall ... 

Maybe in a few days you will feel able to do a quick shop and deal with christmas shopping like you deal with work.  

it usually feels like a cloud approaching for me too, but we can get through.

Thanks for giving me the broader picture about CAT teams @utopia. Yes just to doctor.

[BlueBay]

No theres no point. I need a hug. I need to be loved not rejected
I hate myself my behaviour my life. I'm so screwed up @utopia.
I don't know what to do anymore.