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Thanks for asking @Darcy, nobody in real life seems much interested. Its a worry after being told by the - to go home & rest, take ya pills, check BP again in 4hrs & come back in tomorrow... And "if u get a bad headache or dizziness - go to emergency.
The day after that BP 180/120, having taken my pills lol... I got fainty & breathless while out to lunch with dad - i called into chemist to check BP - it wad sooo low - 102/56 what's going on?! Yesterday at the chemist it wad 145/95 (after shopping) so i just can't say if its ok or not. So, I'm still taking it easy, especially in relation to my sibling crap. Also Reducing intake to lose weight hopefully. My heart has been jumping around too. Not looking promising for me - i dont handle stress well... Starting to wonder if i'm gonna survive it all. Looking at getting dad into respite soon, somehow.
How are you? How's Mr Darcy?
@Appleblossom, hope you dont mind me bringing this convo to this thread. Thank you for saying "its great that you look after your father" because my siblings here sure aren't giving me that message. Its like i interferred with some agenda. Or maybe that i lived far away for so long... they just don't know me. I've even been acused of being here to claim the estate... as if! And last night my son argued with me about it using the same 'tone' as them (not him) - i dont know why theyre so hung up on me being here. And their emotional withdrawal hurts so much, their lack of support... I might be wrong - but it's just 'evil' and exhausting. I don't know how else to be but me - yes i have drawn some boundaries, like:
- knock or anounce yourself on arrival - don't just walk in (which they're not doing anyway)
- refusing to lend money (copped abuse / crap from Bro4 all week over this one alone (now he's blown the 5k mum gave each of us a month ago & doez pot), it twists me up inside.
- refusing to give them written proof of every dollar i spend (but i am for my own records)
- telling my sister to 'slow down' the the disruption - going through & removing things etc in front of dad, unsettling him. Now shes telli g everyone i wont let her visit her father... sheesh? And i handed her another weapon when i yelled at her one day. She just turns everything around. My x was the same, sucks!
I even get a PTSD response now with text messages from bro3, crazy stuff.
You also said "no matter how hard I tried or what different ways I worked on my family, it did not work out" wow! Appleblosdom that must of been so harx for you. But its timely you say it now, i need to be reminded they are unlikely to change now. Thanks
Starting to doubt myself being here this week think i'm lonely.
Ladt night dad refused to change incont aid before bed grr I had to help him put a T-shirt & blanket on late ladt night as he's laying there topless, just a single sheet on - its cold after the rain. He said he was cold but doesnt go the next step. Bit sad but yes - glad i'm here Someone needs to be.
I asked my brothers for weeks to please mow the small front lawn (only about 18sq meter, slight hill), or lend me their mower one day. It got so bad i approached the neighbour to send over the guy who does their lawn - turns out it was mum's prior areanged fellow who charged extra but its done. Apaet from pushong nt BP up - is it fair that i'm cranky with my brothers for not at doing mum & dads littlea lawn? Or take the bins out Thurs night. They are so full & heavy her with all the 'catchup' cleaning, & the steep sloap makes it hard on my knee, back & shoulder pain. I had to do it again last week, the day after the high blood pressure blew out. The neighbour does sometimes. Had to mail money to get my own lawns done up north, to the caretaker up north. I just think their little ways to show they care - instead the siblings want to criticise, play the victim and argue about everything. It tyres me. How do i let go & not feel hurt & cross that i'm having to do it all, then get criticised / accused of taking over...
Bro3&4 (on CTO inj for pSz) are a worry, their drug use & gambling - and physical health starting to fall apart now in 50s. Bro4 went right off at me the other day for not lending him money. I'm determined not to get cought up in tbat trap they had mum in. Poor mum. Now he's angry with me now. Bro3 has serious chest problems interferring with sleep - he wont have a C-Ray because he believes his radiation levels are already too high from the neighbours lazor beaming him, somehow through the truck foil reflectors coveting every square inch of his walls & even be smoke detevtor 😕 I think he might have mould in his dark closed up cave. Its really sad. I dont know what to do. Bro2 is stupid to be sain but ges been more abusivr than any of them, falsly accising me of loving here to 'claim the estate'etc & in front of ppl - he's horrible to me & i just dont understand accept he is close to my sister who is, well, lets just say - a jealous & vindictive control freak. Dont k ow how to handle them.
It is easier here without mum attacking me over the slightest tjing, shoildnt be but relieved by that at least. One counsellor yold me to 'just leave' as they know how difficult my mum was and this often leaves a family 'messed up'(underbeath i hear him really daying - unworkable. He even said at the beginning he "has grave concerns for my health being here" yikes, that scared me.
On a lighter note, i had the best nights sleep in yonks - this beautful persistent soft rain has cooled things down and relaxes me. Oh yes, and mum's dog Georgia is so affectionate with me, just a beautifil dog.
