Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

Thankyou @Faith-and-Hope for your post here. ❤️❤️

BB Xxoo 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hugs @BlueBay ❤️

[Former-Member]

Thank you @Faith-and-Hope

i am not in a good space at the moment but I will read and write more when I can x

[Former-Member]

@Faith-and-Hope @BlueBay @Owlunar @Appleblossom @saturnzoon

@Faith-and-Hope you mentioned telling our inner child that we were little and couldn’t do anything. I am so angry with that inner child and have been for a while. I don’t even want to think about it. 

I was trying to write a poem this week to honour the little child, but with so many of my creative projects, my true feelings burst free and I cannot reconnect with that inner child right now. I find the feelings to overpowering. This is the poem I posted: 

I hold that little child

tightly to my chest 

I tell that little child

firmly you are safe

I see that little child

fiercly crying out

I drop that little child

fearful what I see

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Former-Member .....

I received your second email notification today.

I am hearing what you are saying.  I was also relieved to see the “for now” in there, because I think you know it can change, but it also means that you are accepting your feelings in the here and now and being truthful about the pain you feel, and that overwhelming anger.

Do you have a counsellor working with you to help you with this ?  I am sorry if you have already said.  Some people here have counsellors and some don’t, or are in the search for one ....

In the same way as handing over abusers to God as a part of faith systems, can you consider handing your inner child to God to care for for now, because you are struggling to deal with her .... see whether that makes a difference to the way you feel ?  It may help you to work through the angry feelings with her in “spiritual day-care”.

This is just a suggestion @Former-Member, and if it is making you feel worse, I will stop, and remove the post.  

There is more I want to say about how deeply I feel for you, but perhaps that can be hard to hear too, I don’t know ....

[BlueBay]

Hi @Former-Member im currently working with my psychologist on my inner child. It's very difficult work emotional but I have a very good therapist. I can relate to your poem. Hugs to you ❤️

Tskr care xxxooo

BB 

[Appleblossom]

@Former-Member 

Thinking of you and your struggle with your inner child.  So many thoughts and feelings need processing when there is early abuse.  I am not sure why you are angry with your inner child, but it is a difficult mental space, divided against yourself, tho maybe you have to see that, to be able to forgive yourself.  See the lack of knowledge and innocence and trust with which you responded, and be gentle with her.  Anger is what anger is and often can give us new energy.

Go Softly

Apple

[Former-Member]

Dear @Faith-and-Hope

I truly am grateful for your words and for caring for me. I would like to explain something to you and I hope with all my heart you will not feel offended. And please don’t remove your post.

I have named my post ‘abusers, faith and family’ not very clearly. The question of faith is complicated. I was raised with faith and religion, but I lost family in a war between religions and have moved on from believing in religion or in a deity. I sometimes wish I could believe and pray again, but those wounds are far from healing. In general, I truly respect people of faith, but I am appalled that my mother has returned to her faith after not being religious most of her life / and after losing so many family members. I am struggling to come to terms with that. I cannot really cope with this and I have asked my mother not to talk to me about it. Like I say it is nothing against anyone of any faith, but I struggle with my own mother. It is very hard to explain, but I feel deserted... I can’t explain it. It just feels so wrong for my mother to do this after all she taught me and after all that happened. 

Because of my struggle, my raging volcano with my mother and my history, the question of faith and finding hope and comfort in faith is impossible for me. 

I have explained this to a pastor once and explained my longing to belong and he said I should find wonder in the world first and faith would return. 

I hope I am not upsetting you with this message, like I say, I truly respect and appreciate people of faith.

[Former-Member]

Dear @Faith-and-Hope @BlueBay @Appleblossom

thank you all for your kind messages and for sharing your stories and trying to help.

I am unsure why I have turned so angry against myself once again. I hate myself. I do turn my anger inwards and all I can think is that I am protecting myself. I do have a therapist and a pretty good care team, but I feel extremely alone at the moment. All my life I have rejected people when they offered comfort when I was upset. I have physically pushed people away and I lock them out of my head. 

Its just very tough at the moment. I get support and I reach out when things get desperate, but I’m struggling. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Not at all @Former-Member ....: and I would say the same to you .... look for wonder in the world and leave the faith issue well alone for now.  Thank you so much for letting me know ..... I wouldn’t want to create more grief for you.

💐💕